Before making a commitment in a relationship or in the “pre-commitment” stage, you have the opportunity to choose your future as intentionally as possible.
You are in the driver’s seat when it comes to your life and if you are reading this you are most likely looking to be the pioneer of your relationships by aiming to break free of old patterns and make conscious relationship choices. As a relationship pioneer, your goal is to be completely aware of the long-term impact of your choices and date and mate with conscious intention. You are determined to make the life and relationship you really want and believe that true love and fulfillment will happen, but only if you go after what you really want and do not settle for less.
Everyone starts their journey towards a successful and fulfilling committed life partnership as a single. When you date and eventually find somebody to bond within a relationship it’s very exhilarating, but at the same time, most are conscious of the question “Is this the right relationship for me?” and are in what I call the “Pre-commitment Stage” of a relationship. The journey from single to becoming a conscious couple in a successful, fulfilling committed life partnership I call “Conscious Mating.” Just as a conscious single must have clarity about who you are, what you want, and how to get it, so must a conscious couple. As challenging as it is for you to make good long-term relationship choices when you’re single, it can be even more perplexing to make good long-term relationship choices when in a pre-committed relationship.
Pre-committed couples usually fall into two categories:
Unconscious – Typically following the “mini-marriage” model of trying the relationship out, acting committed without actually making the commitment. A disconnect between fact and attitude.
Conscious: Aware that they are not yet committed, usually have a commitment as a goal, asking themselves “Is this the right relationship for me? Should I make a commitment?” An alignment of fact and attitude.
There are many erroneous beliefs about love. Our culture glorifies the romantic love stage of a relationship in literature, theatre, television, and movies. It is that initial infatuation stage of a relationship when our chemistry is in high gear and we experience euphoria. Powerful amphetamine-like neurotransmitters flood and alter our brain chemistry.
While unsustainable, the romantic love stage serves a vital purpose because it gives us a taste of our best and most powerful selves. If the relationship turns out to be a good long-term choice, this stage bonds us together and primes us to weather life’s inevitable storms. Confusing this initial romantic stage with real, sustainable love is a mistake that can be a person’s undoing.
Here is the fundamental truth: Relationships do break up. As hard as we might try to prevent and avoid relationship failure, it happens nonetheless. Because there are a number of unconscious forces at work in every stage of a relationship, being fully aware isn’t easy and controlling the outcome is impossible. These unconscious forces have the potential for undermining our best efforts to sustain love if we are not aware.